I got a strange illusion after the terrible earthquake took place in Japan and nuclear crisis in Fukushima. There have never been so many things happened in such a short time. It seems that the earthquake is more and more frequently happening everywhere around the world. So I feel things, being weird, begin to work in a different way.
I just heard a friend in our grade got the offer from Institute for Astronomy, Hawaii. I feel glad more than jealous. Because I thought our class was the worst one among those years, no one aboard for astronomy PhD. And she changed that. Her English is really good. Moreover, she works harder than me when we were undergraduate. In the meanwhile, something like a jealous start to push me to feel shame and remorse, having wasted too much time when I was a sophomore, is in great pain and struggle. On one hand, I thought our life could be totally different after. Maybe five years later, I would be nothing but a PhD candidate, while she would be a Hawaii PhD and get the Post Doc from a famous institute. That is quite possible. However, the destiny is in our own hands. So the most important thing for me right now is hard working and efficiency. Those are the only ways to access my personal goal.
And, just two days ago. I got an amazing message from her. It is the first time I’ve been told by a girl that she likes me. That was a wonderful feeling. But, she will go to the U.S. several months later. The feeling of mine is just like a mass of ropes tangled together, complicated. I don’t know how to decide my future. That’s what I’ve never been through.
Sometimes, I questioned myself that if there is really a logic that rules this world. And the question is more and more bothering. Whatever, what I need to do is work hard to be prepared for the short visit, for forming my thesis. And I can not waste time.