What are you thinking about?

咚—咚—咚—咚
无法忍受的孤独即将崩裂
咚—咚—咚—咚
躁动的熔岩从头顶倾泻而下
咚—咚—咚—咚
四周寂静无声
咚—咚—咚—咚
骤停的心脏狂跳不止
咚—咚—咚—咚

我在珠穆拉玛峰顶呐喊
我在马里亚纳海沟沉默不语
我在你耳边柔情细语
我在人群中寂寞
我在沙漠里狂欢
我在火焰上狂舞
我在寒冰中长眠

咚咚咚咚
咚咚咚咚

究竟何时一切会终结?

偶遇

在你面前,

我笨拙的掩盖着自己内心的痴痴欢喜。

而你却早已把我看穿。

看得时间凝固,扼住了我的呼吸。

两种不同的语言,此刻都失去了意义。

一切的频率和振幅凌散在时空,迷乱地追寻着一点点关于你的蛛丝马迹。

短暂、癫狂、悄无声息的,我站在你的身后。

默默的注视,

这个世界上最耐看的背影,渐渐远去。

 二零一六年二月于西班牙

Drowning in the uncertain darkness?

Days past, yet I am still struggling, slowly and slowly drowning into the darkness. What is happening? For years, I am asking this very same question again and again without any answer. Things exist without any reason, and any request of justifying them is in vain.

Everyday the future looks a little bit darker. But the past, even the grimy parts of it, well, it just keeps on getting brighter all the time.

Is this a sign of ageing physiologically albeit I am still less than thirty? Or, it is just telling that the mind is too vulnerable to bear the burden of life and the responsibilities coming along? I can not stop thinking the meaning of everything, e.g., the meaning of being in this world; why life exists; why am I here sitting in front of a 13″ MacBook Pro typing this post. I mean, as a PhD student major in astrophysics, I am being a part of the great mission of human beings for trying to understand our universe. But as a human, are we able to understand why we are living in this world? And for what reason? I suppose we deserve better answers than simply “passing our human DNA”. I see a lot of people don’t even bother thinking of these “stupid” questions. They do everything without asking why. I admit that there can exist no meaning for those “why” at all. The question can even be totally wrong in the first place. However, those people just do the routines, following their instincts. I am so confused, haunted by the idea that why we do this and why we do that. Why don’t people think why?

I detest the people who show fake confidence, pretending as if (s)he knows everything, yelling to the entire world with his strident voice and being afraid that people are not able to recognise his wisdom. And then, I realise tolerance is walking away from me little by little. I can’t bear those people even with a bit imperfection of their mind now. But do I have those moral flaws as well? I must do.

Things growing darker once you start to fall into the deep dark abyss in your mind.

你在追寻什么?

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图:雷克雅未克的极光,摄于2015年12月末。

或许你已经意识到,初始的问题就错了。在这个错误的问题下,一切都按照似是而非的逻辑混沌不堪。情绪化的大脑被蒙蔽了双眼,掩盖了那些永恒不变的逻辑规律。

你在追寻什么?而你现在是否还在思考这个问题呢?当你迷失在生活的琐碎不堪之中,你是否会静下来记起那个信誓旦旦的小小野心呢?作为动物生活的你,是否还是在担心自己活得太接近动物?各种炫耀、浮夸、虚伪、狡辩、敌意亦或是虚荣?你还在在意别人是否活得很动物吗?自己亦或是别人,到底谁更像野畜一样原始?

作为一个平均寿命不到100年的灵长目人科人属动物,时间太过宝贵。对于这个世界,享受你的生命和满足你的好奇心,去了解你身处的这个世界的运行规律,这大概是我们超越于地球上其他生命的最大不同。然而,你真的跟他们不同吗?我知道,作为动物的你,需要克服很多本能的困难。但这并不意味着你无法超越动物的你。

2016年的你,不要忘了,在这个世界上,你只是一个虔诚的探寻者。