What are you thinking about?

咚—咚—咚—咚
无法忍受的孤独即将崩裂
咚—咚—咚—咚
躁动的熔岩从头顶倾泻而下
咚—咚—咚—咚
四周寂静无声
咚—咚—咚—咚
骤停的心脏狂跳不止
咚—咚—咚—咚

我在珠穆拉玛峰顶呐喊
我在马里亚纳海沟沉默不语
我在你耳边柔情细语
我在人群中寂寞
我在沙漠里狂欢
我在火焰上狂舞
我在寒冰中长眠

咚咚咚咚
咚咚咚咚

究竟何时一切会终结?

偶遇

在你面前,

我笨拙的掩盖着自己内心的痴痴欢喜。

而你却早已把我看穿。

看得时间凝固,扼住了我的呼吸。

两种不同的语言,此刻都失去了意义。

一切的频率和振幅凌散在时空,迷乱地追寻着一点点关于你的蛛丝马迹。

短暂、癫狂、悄无声息的,我站在你的身后。

默默的注视,

这个世界上最耐看的背影,渐渐远去。

 二零一六年二月于西班牙

Drowning in the uncertain darkness?

Days past, yet I am still struggling, slowly and slowly drowning into the darkness. What is happening? For years, I am asking this same question again and again without any answer. Things exist without any reason, and any request of justifying them will be in vain.

Everyday the future looks a little bit darker. But the past, even the grimy parts of it, well, it just keeps on getting brighter all the time.

Is this a sign of getting old physiologically considering I am still less than thirty? Or, it is just telling that your mind is too vulnerable to bear the burden of your life and the responsibilities coming along? I can not stop thinking the meaning of everything, e.g., the meaning of being in this world, why life exists, why am I here sitting in front of a 13″ MacBook Pro typing this post. I mean, as PhD student in astrophysics, I am being a part of trying to understand our universe. But as a human, are we able to understand why we are living in this world? What for? I suggest we deserve a better answers than just “passing our human DNA”. I see a lot of people just don’t bother thinking of these. They do everything without thinking why. I admit that, there may be no meaning at all. The question can be wrong in the first place. However, people around just do the routines, following the instincts. I am so confused, haunted by the idea that why we do this and why we do that. Why we don’t think why? (Maybe mathematicians are thinking these more often?)

I detest the people who shows fake confidence, pretending as if he (yes, I am talking about a HE) knows everything, yelling to the world with his strident voice and being afraid that people are not able to recognise his wisdom. And then, I realise tolerance is walking away from me. I can’t bear those people even with a little bit ugliness of their mind. But do I have those uglinesses? I must have. Things growing darker once you start to fall into the deeply dark abyss in your mind.